I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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