6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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