marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
barbara walters just said penis...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
