You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
