Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
