it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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