Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
