had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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