i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
