goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
