Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
