We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
