By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
