Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
