I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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