Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
