Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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