This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
