The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
