I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I deserve this hangover.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
