I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
