This is not my ceiling
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
