yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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