Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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