I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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