Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just invented taco cereal.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
