Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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