you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
