I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
