Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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