I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
