and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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