I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
