I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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