Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
