My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want a musical about memes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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