At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
