So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
