It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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