it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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