so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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