just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
