Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
