Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
