you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
