A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
