It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
