girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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