hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
