Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
