I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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